on matches and bridge burning

it's a misstep here, a too rushed to be perfect
but hey it's running, omg, it's actually working,
finally, finally, final-fucking-ly,
tension melts away.

it's four cups of coffee down and staring at a screen,
begging for answers to appear and all you get
is the same stupid syntax error that haunts
you and it's there every time you close your eyes
and you're cursing and glaring and was this all really over
an extra s p a c e the entire time,
how could you have missed that?

rushing in
fucking up
rushing in again
fucking up yet again
learning to take the time
to check things over
making sure
you note down the mistakes
so you don't make them again
constantly adapting
making mistakes
learning from them

it's watching smoke rise and that moment of panic,
you don't quite remember intentionally wanting the fire.
it's figuring out how to do things
with little to no direction, ignoring
the do not signs and then frustration
when you taste purple and pretend
there is not an equivalence to shoving
a fork into a light socket.

you learn by learning what not to do, over and over
until it's a mantra of "shit this is what happened last time"s
and a tiny web of scars when what not to do
required a very real, very physical reminder

the fire of error grows
spreading rapidly with each
mistake made
you see the smoke
you hope others don't see the smoke
you try to rush to cover the smoke
but catching smoke
is next to impossible
so you set about
dispatching the fires
but you don't know where to start
you think you should start with the fire that started it all
but locating the origin
isn't easy
when you can be
engulfed

it's putting out wildfires with a dropper,
there's no use. breathe, breathe, step forward.
the path forward is paved with mistakes made,
learned and not; set examples of what not to do

in this order, but maybe another one will work,
maybe, maybe, oh shit not again.

Droplets of water
are never enough
when they just evaporate
as soon as you
get anywhere near
you try to fill a bucket
one drop at a time
and you get nowhere
fast

there's a hundred ways to skin a cat,
but not nearly as many forward-
it's bad directions from schrodinger's fucking cat
whom cannot decide to hyperventilate in panic or elation

and really, how many times do we repeat this,
before authorities are called. how many fires
does it take to become an arsonist, how many

Some say six
others say four
the truth is
the amount of fires
to become an arsonist is three
such a small number
and yet
the devastation that can be caused
is catastrophic
to those who are
affected

it's three strikes
of a match, three steps
too far, three bridges
burned before we got to them